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The Blonde Triangle
20 February 2007


There are two well-known axioms about blondes. The first one is that blondes have more fun. The second is that blondes are dumb. Both of these are of course, massive generalisations - there are certainly plenty of intelligent blondes, and also quite a few brunettes and redheads who likely do have more fun than the average blonde. But, like all good generalisations, there is a grain of truth at their core - these statements can be applied to, say, 80% of all blondes. That's my rough estimate from personal observations made over the course of my life.

So, now that we have established that there is a relationship between blondeness and enjoyment of life, as well as a relationship between blondeness and intelligence, we have a situation that looks a little bit like the diagram below.

Worst art gallery ever.
Fig1. Because all good disgrams need a numbered caption.

Today, I seek to prove this relationship true as well, thus completing what I'm going to unimaginatively call the Blonde Triangle.

The Blonde Triangle.
Fig2. Far superior to Fig1.

This is to show that there is a relationship between intelligence and having fun that can further tie into a person's hair colour. For only 80% of the population, of course. I don't particularly want people to ruin my perfectly good theory with such annoying nuisances as exceptions.

The basis of my argument is based on one simple observation - the vast majority of small Caucasian children are blonde. Were you blonde as a child? Were your friends blonde as children? I'm willing to wager that a significant percentage of the people you know started their lives out as blondes.

Here's the interesting bit - as they get older, these blondes turn into brunettes. The vast concentration of change seems to happen in the early schooling years for the majority of these children. And what happens when you start going to school? For most kids, two things - they get smarter, and at the same time stop having fun, because duh - school isn't fun.

Even taking school out of the equation, intelligence is largely related to how much enjoyment you derive from life. It's a fair statement when you say that the deep thinkers of the world are usually terribly depressed people, whereas folk at the other end of the scale leading simple lives, usually focused around raising a family instead of advanced quantum physics, tend to be universally more content. There's a lot of truth in the whole 'ignorance is bliss' saying. Of course, as always, there are exceptions. I'm not saying the Blonde Triangle is any sort of law - more a relationship.

If that isn't enough to convince you of the relationship between general happiness and intelligence, consider this: People with above average intelligence feel pressured to make use of it and challenge themselves more than those in the average and below average range, too. That eats a lot into time spent 'having fun'. Reasoning and logic probably gets in the way of spontaneous fun a lot too, I bet. And let's not forget that the standards for intellectually average person�s idea of fun is probably a lot lower overall - spending the evening drinking or laughing at fart jokes on TV is enough for most. So I think we've proven that majority of stupid people generally have more fun than the majority of smart people.

So, to re-iterate: Many children who start out blonde turn brunette (or other hair colours) when they start their education, increasing their relative intelligence. As their intelligence increases, they don't have as much fun as they used to when dropping keys on the ground over and over was the funniest thing in the world. People who don't necessarily improve their minds � or rather, improve at a slower rate to that of their peers - continue to derive a comparatively larger amount of enjoyment from their lives. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the hair colour for this group of people did not change. So the triangle is complete. Blondes stay dumb and thus have more fun.

Of course there are holes in this theory, and heck, probably entire dissertations based on the effects of skin pigmentation and environmental influences on a person's hair colour that would make my theory completely irrelevant. But with so much circumstantial evidence, can we afford to ignore this startling relationship? Probably. But as always, it's fun to think about. Your homework for the week is to go form an ad hoc theory of your own and give it a cool name. Send it to grandevina@lycos.com with 'The Tomes' somewhere in the subject heading, and I'll post it up on the site, either making fun of it or declaring you a genius. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, but I'm sure that if I keep asking more than one person will reply eventually. Right? RIGHT?

I am of course assuming that people using the Internet can also use E-Mail, but then again, most of you people probably started your lives out as blondes.






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